Dreams for a walker

 

        There have been multiple milestones and events where I found myself hoping that Diana would walk in
time for. The first one was Diana’s first birthday. In the Korean tradition, we hosted a doljanchi. Doljanchi (돌잔치) is made up of two words. Dol (돌) means "one year" and Janchi (잔치) means "feast." The highlight of the doljanchi is the doljabi. The doljabi is when the parents put
several items on a table such as books, money, a ball of yarn, and more. These things represent scholarly
pursuit, wealth and a long life. Families can also add more modern items such as a stethoscope or a microphone
(aspiring K-Pop stars). Whichever item the baby picks first predicts what type of person the baby will be when
they grow up. 

I found myself watching videos of other children walking towards their chosen items during the doljabi ceremony. I thought it would be very cute if Diana could walk to her item, but I also saw plenty of videos of children crawling across the floor to pick one. So I didn’t think much of it when the day of her doljabi came and Diana crawled, rather than walked, to pick her object - the book, which represents wisdom and scholarship. 

Other events came and went, and Diana was still not able to walk. Our realtor puts on a fall event at Phillips Family Farm where there are tons of places to play. She enjoyed sitting in the corn pit, going down slides, and sitting on Grandpa’s lap on the tractors, but she couldn’t enjoy the full scope of the activities. She couldn’t walk on her own to go trick-or-treating or join Halloween parades. We went on stroller walks under changing autumn leaves and put her in a carrier when we hiked in Asheville. She did some walking between the pine trees for Christmas photos while holding our hands, but she wasn’t able to run to the Christmas tree to open her presents. 

We heard a lot of comments to the effect of “just wait till she starts walking. You’ll be wishing you didn’t have to chase her around.” Over time, these comments drove me crazy. I wanted to see Diana navigate easily around playgrounds. She loved our stroller rides, but I wanted to see her wander the greenways and trails to smell flowers and touch trees. I didn’t want to see her sitting on the floor at outings and playdates with other children while everyone ran circles around her. I just didn’t want her to miss out on anything. 

Our nanny, Ellen, started bringing up Diana’s balance issues, her clumsy feet placement, and the awkward way she crawled with her feet in the air. We talked with other physical therapist friends about whether starting physical therapy might be beneficial. After waiting a few months for the referral to go through, Diana started physical therapy at Duke and at -home in January 2026. 

Diana made slow, but steady progress over time. Her physical therapists always told us that working with Diana was rewarding because she never got discouraged when she fell and she was always determined to keep trying. She began to take more and more steps on her own. When she got fitted for orthotics, her walking form improved. Her balance improved and she started standing on her own for longer periods of time. But she still couldn’t walk long before losing her balance and falling.

As the months passed, I began hoping that she would walk independently in time for Easter egg hunts and farm visits. When that didn’t happen, I started hoping she would walk independently by the time we traveled to Acadia National Park in May. It didn’t happen, but she still had a blast climbing on rocks along the Ocean Path Trail, holding Grandma’s and Dad’s hands while walking in the Bar Harbor parks, and holding our hands as we hiked the paths on Cadillac Mountain.  

Over time, we have found plenty of ways for Diana to have fun without being able to walk on her own. We spend a lot of time at the neighborhood pool, splashing around in the big pool and kiddie pool and walking around the fountains. There are plenty of playgrounds with spinners to sit on, stairs to climb, and slides to ride down. There are plenty of padded indoor play places with ball pits and busy-boards. We spend a lot of time in our playroom coloring, dancing, reading, and playing with ice cream cones. So while I mourn a lot of the experiences Diana could be having, I know that she has so many joyful adventures every day.